DISCLAIMER: The author is extremely fluent in sarcasm and this post should not be taken seriously unless you intend to donate to the government. If you can't stand it you're welcome to leave. Sayonara.
Just yesterday I was a few steps away from being murdered by a reckless driver, so in honor of that guy, I thought that this post would come in handy. So here you go: How to be a terrible driver. Take note that this post also more or less highlights to you how horrible a driver you are. And if some of the points don't apply to your country, ignore it.
1) DASH THE RED LIGHTS AND ZEBRA CROSSING
Probably the easiest to do. Also, I nearly got killed because of this. You see those red lights? Zoom past them! See a zebra crossing? ZOOM PAST IT! It will be very exhilarating not just for you, but also for that old lady attempting to cross the road.
2) CHANGE LANES WITHOUT SIGNALLING
Another extremely easy thing to do - even saves you some effort from signalling! Save some car battery from using lesser lights! Have your car make some friends by nudging someone else's car!
3) GO AT THE SPEED OF A TORTOISE ON THE HIGHWAY
Now as the saying goes, slow and steady wins the race. So take your time, drive at 40km/h on that highway where everybody drives at 80km/h. Be the tortoise. Win the race.
4) GET HIGH
By that I mean getting drunk or whatever. It makes the drive more exciting, and you should feel happier about it.
5) USE YOUR PHONE
Call up your spouse (unless you're alone and sad) to tell them how much you love them! Text your boss and tell them about how much you enjoy working with them! Play some games for entertainment because the drive is boring!
6) PARK IN LOTS SPECIFICALLY MARKED FOR A CERTAIN GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE YOU
Ah, my favourite, There are certain carparks that mark out various lots specifically for people who bought season parking. Park in those lots even though it wasn't meant for you! Let those people exercise by climbing some stairs!
7) IGNORE THAT BLIND SPOT
You know sometimes when you have to change lane, you have to check for cars in that lane? Screw that! Just slip into the lane and let your car kiss that other car! And let them have some car babies, so you don't ever have to buy new ones.
8) MERGE IMPROPERLY
When you want to merge into a bigger lane, ZOOM PAST ALL THOSE CARS! Ignore that car that's rushing towards you!
Follow all of these, and you'll be the worst driver ever! You can then proceed to f*ck yourself.
PLEASE be a considerate driver. Even if you want to throw your life away, I want my life. Let me live it.
